Mom and Uncle Terry joke that getting old is not for sissies. It's hard. It's scary. It's overwhelming when you least expect it.
I will argue that being engaged is the same way. The last 8 months have been the hardest, scariest, most doubt-provoking of my entire life. I know there have been bright spots, but tonight all I can focus on is this feeling that I have never hated myself this much.
I have never had so many personal doubts, never second-guessed so much, never felt so lonely. I am at the point right now where I don't care if there is a wedding, and I don't care if there are consequences for such a reckless comment. In fact, I would welcome some consquences. I would welcome some tears, some friction, some explosions. Anything but this dreaded silent tension.
Being engaged is not for sissies. Getting married in Vegas, or at the last minute, is truly the easy way out. To all the brides out there who escaped engagement for such a quick, painless solution, good for you. To all the brides who endured the torture of the modern American wedding, help!
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